i thought it's just another argument.
but i was wrong.
it's partly my fault for what happen..
but.. yeah..
sometimes he could be quite..
an asshole!
this is what i dislike about him. ._.
thinking he knows whatever i am thinking.
& thought i hated this thing.
which i didn't dislike anything about it.
& kept on asking why i hated it.
but there's no hate.
how to answer why i hated it?
i woke up in a big shock just now.
what a scary dream.
i forgotten what i dreamt of.
but i know.. it shock me till i woke up.
i was unhappy.
at 1st i didn't know why.
i forgotten why.
but somehow when i found my phone.
& saw a message.
i was happy.
i quickly unlock my phone.
& wanted to read the message.
but i saw..
that message is not sent by my baby.
it's sent by my kor, Renhao.
than i realised.
" something is really wrong.
something big is missing from my life. "
it's him.
it's my baby who was missing from my life.
i sent him a really fuck tup message before i sleep.
i was so rush.
i was unreasonable!
i hated myself for saying that.
i now than regretting what i had done.
am i too late? i don't know.
now i am waiting for his reply..
hoping he wants me back.
i can't go back to sleep.
i don't want to.
i am tired. but. i just can't.
i will write all the messages,
i saved about him & me bah. (:
& about the days we spent together.
just to make myself feel better.
hoping it will work..
The 1st Day i see you.
the 1st day i saw you was at this BBQ.
organised by a maple friend.
at Pasir Ris. Pit No.55.
it's on the 27th Feb. a Saturday.
i was at the BBQ with my maple friends.
we were having fun.
BBQ-ing the Chicken wings.
Black Pepper Meat.
Hotdogs.
Crabmeat.
mushmallow.
& Nuggets that made a few had a bad tummy ache.
i was waiting for Nick daddy to come.
as usual.
he was late.
& still delaying to meet me.
he told me he was bringing a friend along.
& his girlfriend will be there with him.
i agreed.
at 8 plus he suppose to reach the pit.
but yeah. till 8 plus he still not there.
i was really angry.
about 10 plus 11.
he reach the pit with 3 other friends.
one was John.
one was Joey.
& the last one was Joey's Girlfriend.
( now not Joey's Girlfriend anymore. )
but yeah. i was busy.
we all were taking photos.
after taking a few.
i went over to where they are sitting.
i smiled & said hello to all of them.
Nick intro Joey & his girlfriend to me.
i knew John a few weeks before.
i saw Joey.
i found him special.
i didn't know why.
but i just have this weird feeling for him.
not a bad weird.
a good one.
Nick was sitting in between Joey & his Girl.
kinda weird.
i was asking myself why.
i figure out that they are arguing.
arguing about something serious.
yeah. i didn't know them at that time.
so yeah. i didn't ask anything much.
& didn't try to make things right for them.
i walked off.
then went back to the BBQ pit.
cook 5 chicken wings for them.
& asked Dave erzi to give it to them.
i went to the toilet.
& when i got back.
i just sited down & listen to music.
i was thinking deeply what to do.
i asking myself.
" do i really love Nick? "
" do we really have a future together? "
" he hurt me once. he might hurt me again.
won't he? "
so many more questions & worries flood in.
after while..
we plan to go E hub to watch movies.
Nick & John took the NTUC trolley.
they push over to where i was sitting.
well that's my transport from E hub to the pit.
& the pit to E hub. (:
they force me in & off we go.
Joey & his girlfriend still arguing.
they are walking & arguing.
Nick told me what his girlfriend did.
& yeah. it's her fault in any possible ways.
but i acted as if i didn't care.
Nick & John push me all the way back to E hub.
not really all the way.
but yeah. till the last bridge before E hub.
they help me get down.
we figure out that the couple
were not behind us.
they were like so far away.
sitting down & arguing.
so we walked back.
Joey told Nick to give him time.
yeah. we all did.
we sited down
& let the mosquitoes suck our blood.
after a while.
we started walking again.
when crossing the bridge.
i notice Joey.
actually i do notice him along.
i was thinking back than.
what if...
Joey was single.
& i not going to patch back with Nick.
what if this.
what if that.
but yeah.
so many what ifs.
but.. i thought it will not be possible.
back to crossing the bridge.
Nick held on to my hand
& drag me to the nearest lamppost
on the bridge.
looking at his watch.
blah blah blah.
end up he asked for patch.
i didn't want to patch back.
so i didn't reject him.
but i also didn't accept him.
and than ._. he take it as i said yes.
i didn't know how to reject him the last min.
well i regretted didn't rejected him.
he hold on to my hand
than again?
pull me to where his friends were.
i saw Joey again.
this time we did have eye contact! (:
but i looked away.
as somehow i was regretting what i've done.
i am holding to Nick's hand.
but my heart was thinking about Joey.
i tried to grab every chance to look at him.
it's hard..
we walked to Subway.
i been to Subway like twice only.
that day was my 2nd time. (:
we sat beside the counter.
i was thinking.
what if i sat beside Joey.
but yeah.
i act as if i didn't notice him.
just act as if i really love Nick.
hard to act to really love someone.
but i trying my best to hide,
hide my feelings i had for Joey.
that's the 1st time
we are eating somehow together.
that's also the 1st time.
we really face to face look at each other.
that's my very 1st time.
i said to myself..
" wow! what a amazing guy.
i wish he is mine. "
but yeah.
i thought it's not possible.
after they ate.
we went to mac's smoking area.
& yeah.
4 of them smoked.
even his girlfriend.
i am the only one didn't.
i sat there.
looking at them.
actually. looking at Joey.
listening to what are they talking about.
after that.
we suppose to watch a movie.
but in the end.
we didn't.
no nice movies to watch.
so yeah. we try to find a place to go.
and Nick said something like this..
" Joey, let's go your house. "
Joey didn't want to.
but end up yeah.
he let us go up his house.
to slack, bath & end up sleep.
me, Nick & John walked to his house.
when Joey took his bike.
back to his house.
with his Girlfriend.
walking towards his house.
i was feeling uneasy holding on
to someone's hand whom i am
no longer sure of my feelings of.
i keep looking around.
trying to see where's he.
well. yeah..
after like 5mins.
He slow down beside us.
i was jealous.
jealous not cause
Nick didn't have a bike or what
i am jealous because
Joey's girlfriend was behind him.
on the bike.
not me.
how could a girl which unfaithful her boyfriend
get such a wonderful guy.
after Joey show us the directions.
he ride off.
& we continue walking.
we meet at the lift.
in the lift.
that's the 2nd time
i am somewhere close to him.
in the lift.
he asked whether i am afraid of dogs.
i answered no.
that was the 1st time he worried about me.
worried i am scare of his dog. (:
haha!
when we went in to Joey's house.
i wanted to just bath.
& off to bed.
but there's no extra bed for me! ):
i went to bath.
i used my own towel.
i forget why did i bring my own towel.
lol! hmmm.. ( thinking. )
when i was bathing in his toilet.
i was scare.
i was all alone.
others are in his room. ._.
after bathing.
i rushed into his room.
i told them.
i don't know why my shoulders
like got hand marks there.
when i told them.
they 3 rush to see.
from my view.
Joey just pushed his Girlf. away.
just to see what's wrong with me.
& that's the 1st time he held on to me.
haha! :D.
when he went back to his bed to sleep.
i feel so uncomfortable.
not because i am sleeping on the floor.
& inside a sleeping bag.
but because
2 reasons. (:
Joey is sleeping with his girlfriend.
& i am sleeping with Nick..
at 5am+
i asked Nick again.
whether we are steads.
he replied, " yeah. "
i was not hoping for that answer.
but yeah.. i didn't know what to do.
off i went to sleep in the sleeping bag :D.
it's morning already.
the sun was so bright that morning.
but yeah. i didn't want to wake up.
i went back to sleep.
with my face facing the ground somehow.
i can hear them talking about me.
but didn't reply.
was too tired.
they let the dog in.
& guess what?
yeah the dog kept on licking my face.
stepping on me.
haha!
when i woke up.
the 1st thing i do is.
to look at myself in the mirror.
see my hair messy or not.
i was quite blur.
than 2nd thing.
i bend down.
& look at what Joey was doing.
he woke up long ago.
i look at him.
he was looking at me too. (:
i scratch my head.
i scratch my head.
& smiled.
he smile back at me!
was happy.
really happy but didn't show much.
hahaha!
when he get up from his bed.
i cover my mouth & asked.
" hmmm.. do you have a toothbrush? "
he went to find for me.
& he found a orange toothbrush.
he give it to me.
i went to wash up.
i forgotten did i bath or not ._.
LOL!
than brush my teeth.
after brushing.
while waiting for his girlfriend
to come out from his toilet.
i waited outside.
& he came in the kitchen.
didn't know whether he came for me.
or came for his girlfriend.
i really hope it's for me. (:
we chat a little while.
i heard some noises behind.
i turn around.
& saw Nick there.
so yeah. i stopped talking to him.
that's was the 1st time
i had a complete conversation with Joey.
after all was done with washing up.
we head to E hub for lunch.
while we are walking.
Joey & His Girlf walk ahead of us.
i was quite upset at 1st.
but than.. i notice something.
both of them don't hold hands! (:
i was happy inside.
i know it's evil ._.
but yeah. i was happy.
i still remember.
it's a really hot afternoon.
but still there are strong breeze.
finally!
we reached.
i sweat so much by just walking.
we ate Chicken Rice. (:
yeah. the 1st time i had Chicken rice
with Joey. & the others..
he sited opposite me.
& opposite his girlfriend.
i was hoping he will sit with me.
but yeah. Nick sat beside me..
than they went to buy their food.
we girls just sit & wait.
after bringing the food to the table.
when we started eating.
i just keep looking at Joey.
but trying to avoid people from noticing.
so yeah.
i eat & look around.
haha. but my aim was to look at him.
the way he eat..
the way he talk..
so cute. so funny.
after awhile. i was caught!
Joey notice i was looking at him.
Lol! he gave me a weird expression.
hmmm. how to say...
he gave me an F6 expression.
i was blushing.
i look at my chicken rice
& continue eating.
when i look up.
i saw him still looking at me.
hahaha!
his girlfriend saw him looking at me too.
but act as if nothing happened.
after eating..
we follow Joey to buy his lip stud.
while they are waiting for the boss to come back.
me & his girlfriend went to the nearest 7.11.
i wanted to buy sweets & drinks.
so yeah.
i brought drinks for Nick & John.
i wanted to buy for Joey too.
but his girlfriend was going to share
her drink with him.
after buying their things.
we took the bus to Pasir ris MRT.
than head off to my house.
John sat beside me.
i sat beside Nick.
Nick sat beside Joey.
& Joey sat beside his girlfriend.
me & John are listening to our music.
while Joey & Nick are chatting about
something that i didn't hear.
his girlfriend should be listening to them.
we were going to my house!
John went home 1st.
later we all are meeting again.
at Queensway.
John also getting a haircut.
after reaching my house.
i serve them drinks.
& i went down my house
for a hair cut.
my hair was too long.
so i cut it. (:
look much better after that.
but more mushroomy. :D
when i came up.
i didn't dare to let them see my new hair.
after they saw..
Joey's girlfriend said.
" now look much better already. "
i forgotten what did he say.
hahaha!
but it should be not a bad comment.
after slacking my house for while.
we went to Queensway.
from my house took the bus to Nick's house.
they put their Army stuffs at his house.
than from his house walk to Queensway.
quite near only.
about 5~8mins walk ba.
on the way there.
Joey & other guy got into a fight.
after that when we meet John.
& he was cutting his hair.
Nick & Joey talk about just now the fight.
the way Joey lie & made a joke out of it
seems so funny.
i laugh like anything.
so loud. as if i own the place. :x
the way he talk so attractive..
after John cut his hair finish.
we went to Nick's house.
they have to book in for camp soon.
they are running late.
so yeah.
the way both of them change in front of me.
so funny.
running around the house in boxers.
i kept counting how much time left for them.
they so panic. :D
hahaha!
time for them to head of.
& i thought that will be the last time i will see him.
or even talk to him.
they cab off.
while i wait for the bus back to my house.
this is what our 1st meeting was like. (:
after a few days...
i thought me & him was impossible.
i didn't even have his number.
& it's hard to ask from Nick.
when he was like.. like my boyfriend.
hahaha!
so yeah.. somehow i forgotten about him.
i put my whole heart into
Nick's & mine relationship.
after a few days.
Nick's phone ran out of battery.
so he used Joey's phone to message me.
that's how i get Joey's number. (:
me & Nick's personal messager is Joey.
hahaha!
but even after Nick's phone got battery..
me & him still would message each other.
i didn't have feelings for him during that period.
i think i didn't have. ._.
i wanted to be faithful to Nick.
so yeah. i didn't have any feelings for him.
on 6th & 7th March. hoho!
it was me & Nick's 1st week.
i brought Nick to my family's chalet.
about 5+ Joey came to fetch Nick.
while Joey was finding the chalet..
me & Nick + 2 of my little cousins
went to the bus stop.
Nick saw Joey at other bus stop.
Joey U-turn & came over.
i smiled Joey.
but this time. he didn't smile at me.
he avoid looking at me. ):
Nick hop onto his bike.
they went Changi village to eat.
after they come back.
my whole family force Joey & Nick to eat.
Uncle Max BBQed alot food for them.
than don't know why suddenly talk about angkong.
Joey asked one of my aunty things.
well. this is how their conversation like.
Joey : erm.. your baby..
grow up want to put angkong?
Aunty : Huh? this ah. ask his father lo.
Joey turn & look at Uncle Max than turn back.
Joey : Him? he put what uh? whole back?
or half back?
Nick : he put till his buttoks there lo.
Joey : ohhh half back...
Uncle Max stopped BBQing for while.
he walks up & sat down with my aunt.
Aunty points at Joey.
Aunty : Ahhh.. he ask you.
baobao grow up want to put angkong or not.
Uncle Max stopped eating & stared.
Uncle Max : You sponsor all lo.
than i give him put angkong. :D
LOL! was really funny.
so much laughters.
so much jokes.
actually i smile more cause of Joey.
after eating so much.
later in the evening.
don't know what happened to my sister.
she kept emoing.
than Joey accompany her.
listen to her thoughts & feelings.
i was abit uneasy when they were alone.
but yeah. i didn't went to care much.
after so much emoing.
when Nick & Joey suppose to go to
St James to celebrate their camp thingy.
my sister was still emoing.
so they end up didn't go.
i not sure did they went or not. hmmm.
we overnight at the Chalet.
there were extra beds.
but yeah.
all our handphone batteries are dying.
but lucky!
Joey got extra chargers at home.
he wants to go back & take for us.
my sister wants to follow him on his bike.
Joey let her.
i was abit jealous.
but yeah. tried to get over it.
after that both of them brought food too.
but it was so dry..
& yucky ):
i message Joey when he was alone
upstairs with my sister.
i asked him why did he buy rice
that was so dry to eat. hahaha.
i argued with Nick that night.
Joey tried to help us patch things back.
the way he look at me.
trying to help us patch things back.
it was so unwilling.
but yeah. he still helped.
i didn't want to think much about his expression.
as yeah. i was with Nick.
& i shouldn't think about it.
5 of us sleep together on the big bed.
but yeah.
Joey went home after awhile.
until now i don't know what was the reason.
after we woke up.
it's about time Nick have to go back camp.
he didn't want to go at 1st.
he wanted to report sick.
but Joey didn't let him do that.
& i think i know why.
hahaha!
Joey asked Nick to take the cab over.
he pay for his fares.
but i didn't go with Nick.
because there's not enough seats for the cab.
me + Charlene + Joey + Nick + John.
5 people can't take the cab.
so yeah. Nick & John went only.
Joey was upset when he didn't see me in the cab.
hahaha! :)
that's the 2nd time i met Joey.
while in the camp.. ~
Joey and me keep in contact after that Chalet.
we keep messaging each other.
but it's about my sister & Nick stuffs.
not other things.
there were sometime when he messaged me..
made me think did i make a right choice
to officially be together with Nick.
but yeah.
i didn't say anything to be unfaithful to Nick.
& he didn't say anything to betray Nick.
i feel so much better talking to him.
the way he message is so different
from other guys.
really different.
all the chim english words.
hahaha!
when me & Nick argue.
there will be some sweet messages.
but it's not type by Nick.
it's by Joey. (:
that's why the messages look so different
from the normal ones Nick sent to me.
that's one thing Nick lie to me about.
the 3rd time we met. :DD.
it was me & Nick's 2nd week.
Nick & Joey came to my house.
my sister was at home.
so yeah. Joey talk to my sister.
& i was with Nick.
this week Nick going to overnight at my house.
Joey also overnight at my house.
i was in the room with Nick.
i asked him.
if he will meet & message other girls.
he replied.
" no i won't. but if i meet other girls.
also meet because of Joey. "
when he said that i was thinking why.
but didn't rub much into it.
after resting for while.
Nick told me he was going to
his friend, bunkmate birthday.
but the weird thing was
he didn't ask me to tag along.
i didn't want to anyways.
as i was sick.
later at night.
my sister got herself into some shits.
biting & kicking the police.
many other shits.
i was sleeping when Nick called me.
asking me about something about my sister.
i called my sister.
if not wrong she was crying.
asking me to help her.
so yeah.
i went to help her.
the very weird thing is.
Joey & Nick kept calling me.
but they are not passing the phone to each other.
cause they were at different places. (:
Nick was fetching his ex girlfriend Miko back home.
yeah. he lied to me.
he went out with his ex girlfriend..
i message Nick to buy me food.
but instead of him calling me.
Joey called me & asked me.
than i ask him to pass the phone to Nick.
his excuse for not passing the phone to him was.
" erm. Nick now very far from me.
later i ask him call you. "
lol. i feel something was really wrong already.
but yeah. i still so stupid.
to believe him. ._.
they came home.
than brought the food i wanted.
but i didn't get to eat.
we went off to the police station
to bail my sister out.
but yeah. can't bail her out yet.
later about 8 plus than can.
we came back.
but on the way back.
Joey's bike get stopped.
road block.
haha!
so me & my mum went back 1st.
after they got back.
Joey fall asleep on the sofa.
me & Nick watch shows..
when Joey sleep he look darn cute.
he sleep talks! hahaha.
about 8.
i asked Nick & Joey to go my bro's room.
of cause to sleep.
both of them were dam sleepy.
after bailing my sister out.
me & her went to Tiong to grab a bite.
i brought Pie Kia for both of them.
i went back home.
& went to sleep.
i was really too tired.
didn't get a good sleep. -.-
i sleep with Nick.
but after Nick woke up.
Joey stayed in the room with me.
he kept on disturbing me to wake up.
poking my head.
& my cheeks.
pulling my pillows away from me.
even my blanket! ):
i can't get a good sleep because of him.
that's the 1st time i held on to his hands.
the 1st time i really look into his eyes.
that day. i really knew how he felt for me.
more than just a friend.
it's something special.
but yeah.
he didn't want to betray Nick.
so he try hiding from me.
but knew it already.
after awhile.
i went back to sleep.
he just keep annoying me.
but after awhile he didn't.
when i woke up in the late afternoon.
Joey was going off already.
than left Nick & me.
Nick hugged me.
& yeah i push him away.
that's the 1st time we didn't argue.
but i pushed him away.
i didn't know why.
but it's just what my body reacted with he hug me.
somehow i felt something for Joey..
this is the 3rd time i met him.. :D
back to camp. 2weeks! no book out. ):
that weekend not meeting Nick nor Joey.
as there was out field for them.
they even can't use their phone.
after a few days.
my feelings for Nick fade completely.
as he lie to me & hide from me too much.
i don't love him anymore.
on the day we broke up.
he still continue lying to me..
so yeah. it's unforgivable.
but even i was angry & sad.
Joey was there for me. (:
i love Joey.
i know it's too fast.
it's been only a few weeks.
but i know i do love him.
the messages we share.
14 March 2010.
it doesn't change anything.
it doesn't change how you could
make me feel so strongly about you
even though i know nothing about you.
i doesn't change how you have the
ability to make me feel as if
i could give up the world for you.
it doesn't change how much
i want you more than
anything else in the world.
Sent by Joey at 10.30pm
15 March 2010.
alright. baby girl, sleep tight.
you know i love you.
you know that you're all i think about.
you know that you're the reason that
i can smile even when my training is tough
i love you too.
Sent by Joey at 07.57am
15 March 2010
hey sweetheart.
it's lunch right now.
i'm hungry. LOL.
yet all i can think about
is you laying there
on your bed sound asleep.
wishing i could be there.
Sent by Joey at 11.44am
15 March 2010
hey dumbass sleepyhead. :D
lunch's over.
later got ippt!
sigh. now we have this one hour break.
i think i'm gonna take a nap
and try and find my baby
in dreamland. hahaha.
Sent by Joey at 11.44am
The Out Field Week!
18 March 2010
Day #o1. :
day one message is private :D.
Sent by Charmaine at 09.14am
19 March 2010
Night #o1. :
baby. :)
after power house event already. :)
haha.
didn't quite enjoy today.
i cried and emo. :(.
hmmm.
i cried cause of my erzi
don't want to buy my tickets.
than i so angry till i cry.
than my boss bully me at 1st.
than after quite a while
i sold 5tickets only.
still. he let me in. :).
haha. but go in also emo.
hmmm. than dance a while.
people asked my number.
lol. hmmm. lalala!
after that.. dance some more.
but gave emo looks and dance lol.
some more..
saw loads new faces. haha. :)
baby miss you. loads!
hmmm. it's night one!
soon day2. haha.
Sent by Charmaine at 04.31am
19 March 2010
Day #o2. :
good morning my love!
it's day #o2 already. :).
haha! i just woke up.
still. didn't see your message
every morning i feels weird. :(.
i dream about loads of things.
amazing things.
i will tell you all about it
when you get back. :). haha.
baby i love you so much.
:). missing you!
it's day #o2. :).
Sent by Charmaine at 07.26pm
20 March 2010
Night #o2. :
baby beloved. :)
it's night #o2. haha!
later on when i wake up.
meeting some guys friends
going out to the club. :).
anyways this is my mother's number.
you can save it under my name too
if you want. :)
loving you baby boy!
later i send you
a nice long message
i typed with my own smooth fingers!
and thought with
my own big brains of mine! :)
haha! baby i thinking
will i dream of you
later on when i fall deeply asleep.
i miss you so badly you know mah?
hmmm.
still got bout a week
before you can come out. :(.
haix. later i going to
someone house to sleep.
and before that..
i am going clubbing. :).
hope i don't get drunk
and do the wrong thing.
hmmm!
baby read this sure worry about me.
don't worry my stupid love.
i will not do anything stupid
to make you scare & worry about me.
:) baby baby baby!
i i i! miss miss miss! you you you!
fucking fucking fucking!
much much much!
muackz! muackz! muackz! ~~
haha! love you to death
you stupid fishball head!
i am going to send you
a long long message 1st
than go to sleep after that. :).
remember to save all
my 14 must send messages ok?
i will check your phone on Friday
to see them there!
haha! love Joey baby. x3s.
Sent by Charmaine at 05.37am
the long long message.
19 March 2010
fallen deeply in love with you..
when we look deeply into
each other eyes.
we know we feel more for
each other than just friends. :)
waiting for our hands to meet again.
just a little touch will do.
i dream of you.
protecting me from harm.
me & you.
kissing & hugging.
baby i love you.
loving you deeper than before.
when i 1st see you
i found out you are amazing.
the way you talk.
the way you smile.
the most amazing is
the way you look at me.
you are greater than great.
you are more amazing
than amazing.
you are special.
thinking of you
since the 1st day, till now.
boy i am crazy over you. :).
`Loves,
`XiaoDouDou. ♥.
@ 6:02 AM
`XiaoDouDou. ♥.
@ 6:02 AM
`To Last With Baby.